I woke up in a panic this morning. (I do this often… It’s normally from dreams that trigger emotions && A shot of adrenaline will pull me quickly from my sleep drench in sweat.) My stomach dropped && I tried to clear the fog in my brain to make sense of my sudden need to run && my outburst of tears.

As I pulled myself into consciousness I realized I was in bed as I took notice of the mattress beneath me && my covers. (New, by the way, raspberry, Opal Collection- Target.)

Then parts of my dream flashed again. (I won’t share.)

I don’t deal well with change, period. I’m a creature of habit. (I mean, I wore Vanilla Lace by VS since I was in the 5th grade until they discontinued it in 2018. Umm, I most definitely signed a petition to bring it back.) && a lot of situations have shown me how deeply affected I am by the lack of stability in my life as a child.

I’ve been working on multiple facets of myself for months now.

Mostly, the part of me that is flashed back to childhood where that girl is fearful of change && emotionally reliving the instability of her youth. That part of me that feels powerless && is fighting to slip into a hypervigilant state of survival mode. The part of me that is so exhausted && wants to avoid everything until the last minute.

&& all of the thoughts and emotions that go hand in hand with these parts.

Then there is my True Self who knows LIFE is going to be okay, sitting at this computer crying as I work through my healing in real-time at 11:11 PM (MY ANGEL NUMBERS… MAKE A WISH!)- With my daughter, Bella Reece, asleep next to me. Yep, she sleeps with me && I’m okay with it…

I find that the most powerful healing happens in the quiet moments when I show up for myself. The healing moments happen when I’m truly here with all of myself, in a space of discomfort, using the tools that bring me peace && help me process; like writing out my fear && pain as I am right now.

Moral of the story, I want Vanilla Lace back… :)

Be kind to yourself… ✨